the darkness

[odst glitcher]

this is my first story that i`m actually going to be posting i usually get quite a few in my head which later i forget  :laugh:

part 1

there is a little spark then some movement as a strange figure rises from the ground
"where am i"
the figure strolls through pitch-black halls with only the light of it`s visr to guide him no idea what was happening or where it was but it knew it could find answers sometime, a light shone somewhere as a barely operating camera turned to the figure as the light shone the figure was visible.....it was a human the name too scraped to read. As the human felt his way through the now dark-filled hallway a sign of life was heard a rat a robot maybe another human or maybe something else, as the figure came into a hallway a glint of light showed yet another mysterious figure, he didn`t have time to tell what it was......suddenly the lights flash on revealing some crazy looking creature huge claws and all sorts of revolting body parts, it let out a massive shriek and vanished in an instant


"WHAT THE HELL!! was that" the human shouted

yet again did the lights go off revealing 5 glowing eyes, screams were heard and shrieks of the mystery creature then silence....the silence broke as the human loaded a pistol he found in his pocket

the end....for now

so tell me what you think should i also try to continue

[Imppa]

I think that in FanFic, grammar is the key. I understood what your story was about, but the bad grammar surely destroyed the ambiance.
So if you want to continue, you should prep your grammar.
I'll tell you what: How 'bout you send me the parts of the story you finish, and I correct your grammar! (Gasps of unbelief)
Just don't make new parts before I've done the earlier one.

[Dunder Moose]

Really creepy start Glitcher!   

I might suggest getting to know your character a bit more before writing the next part.  It's okay if the audience doesn't know who the character is yet, but you had better know who he is and how he got there.  In my opinion you can only drag the mystery out so long before you have to explain something.  NOt everything, mind you.  I would introduce a few concrete details and try to bring about a few more questions to keep the tension high.

Sometimes stories start like this, or in a completely blank white room because we need to write our way into the story.  That's okay.  Once we know what is going on we can go back and rewrite the beginning to make it match.

I am excited to see what you come up with.

[odst glitcher]

Really creepy start Glitcher!   

I might suggest getting to know your character a bit more before writing the next part.  It's okay if the audience doesn't know who the character is yet, but you had better know who he is and how he got there.  In my opinion you can only drag the mystery out so long before you have to explain something.  NOt everything, mind you.  I would introduce a few concrete details and try to bring about a few more questions to keep the tension high.

I am excited to see what you come up with.

meh the character is supposed to be mysterious

[odst glitcher]

part 2 

(third person)silence is broken as the last creature falls to the ground dying the human searches for another clip for the pistol but none he picks up a crowbar from a dead body definetly an engineer, as he passes through many halls fright fills the air as a blood trail becomes visible

(first person)there over in the corner a survivor barely alive is lying you dare not disturb him, at that moment a scream is heard as 3 of the creatures rip the survivor apart tearing off his limbs,(third person) one turns around and charges at the human only to get a crow bar to the face he escapes unnoticed by the other two

(first person)you come to a open door and find out it is the control room a view of the hangar is visible with excitement you rush to the glass and spot a ship still in dock,you get down to the hangar quite quickly and you go to the ship, a noise is heard and as you look up some giant creature is spotted but no limbs are visible

it is......


the hive

(first person) somehow you know this thing it may of started this infection you dare not find out though. the door is heard as two creatures bring a survivor to the hive and a tentacle lowers down about to grasp the human, at that moment you accidently start the engines and it burns off the tentacle and the creatures you run for the door and follow the survivor but first jam the door so the hive can`t get you, "i`ll have to find another way to escape this hell"

you catch up to the survivor he has fainted probably from fright you get into a room and lock the door before falling asleep aswell

remember

DON`T LET THE BED BUGS BITE!

end